Live Animal Inside

I went outside to take the trash out & found this sign on the shed door:

Do not open.
LIVE ANIMAL INSIDE
(Not Joking)
-Management

Thank goodness one of the managers caught me looking at it, because a sign like that is just begging the obstinate child inside me to open that door.

Apparently it was a skunk. The animal control officer showed up later that day.

Restaurant Lingo

 86 - Out of Stock - 86 Bakers for the next hour!

Apps - Appetizers - Yes, we are usually in such a rush that we can't say full words.

Behind You! - A term yelled when someone is behind you. Don't back up, and if you're walking, don't stop - just get out of the way.

Campers - Customers who have eaten, had dessert, coffee, paid, and are still sitting in their booth. You may even hear a waitress say something like "Table 57 has pitched a tent and moved in." This usually applies to parties who have been in their seats for more than an hour and a half.

FOH - Front of the House - Everyone not in the kitchen

Galley - The waitress area containing our sodas, desserts, napkins, silverware, etc... Don't EVER go in there if you don't work there!

GM - General Manager

HOH - Heart of the House - Kitchen Staff

MOD - Manager on Duty - usually an assistant manager or a shift manager

Michael Jackson - The microwave. (Can't explain this one - I think it may be exclusive to our store.)

Refire - A steak that has been put back on the grill to be brought up to temp.

Regulars - People who come in so often that they are recognized and known by name (and sometimes drink!)

MY Regulars - People who come in and ask to sit in my station. Many of my regulars will wait longer, just to get a table in my section. (I'm just THAT good!!)

Sidework - The cleaning or stocking that waitresses are assigned each day. (Hate this part - Still making $2.63 an hour, and no tips for time spent cleaning!)

Single - A table with only one person

Up - One of your tables has food in the window.

Weeded - In The Weeds - WAAAAY in over your head. Too many people needing too many things at once.

The Educated Waitress

Another one of my pet peeves is when people assume that I am a waitress because I chose to do nothing with my life. Since I am in a position that requires little education, I must be uneducated.

"I don't mean to be confusing, but could I have the baked potato instead of the fries?"

We get comments like this all the time. Each waitress has her own reasons for choosing this profession, and many waitresses are either in school or have already been to school. In the restaurant I currently work at, almost half have a college degree or some college education. Many of us are mothers who have chosen to work evenings so we can be home with our little ones during the day.

I fall into this category. I have a Bachelor's in education and am a certified teacher. I taught junior high for several years before giving it up to become a stay at home mom. Needing to get out of the house and earn a little spending money, I started waitressing part time.

Waitressing is a good fall back career. It's good money, and there are always restaurant jobs around. I have waitressed on and off since I was 15. What other career would give me the opportunity to work less than 20 hours a week and still bring home over $500? Not only is the money great, I also have the freedom I need to be at home during the day with my children. If I need a night off, I simply get another waitress to cover my shift. No questions asked.  

So, the next time a waitress arrives at your table, dispel all those stereotypical assumptions and get ready for an encounter with an Educated Waitress.

The Truth About Camping

Campers: Customers who have eaten, had dessert, coffee, paid, and are still sitting in their booth. You may even hear a waitress say something like "Table 57 has pitched a tent and moved in." This usually applies to parties who have been in their seats for more than an hour and a half.

There are MANY opinions out there regarding campers. This is mine: In general, they suck. Occasionally, I am proven wrong by a table, but not usually. 

I know that for the most part, campers are not taking up my table just to be a pain in my a&&. I know that they are simply having a great time with their beloved friends or families, and they just don't want this wonderful night to come to a close. I know that many of these people only gather once or twice a month, maybe even year. (Even waited on two women Friday night who had not seen each other for over 30 years!!) 

I can completely appreciate every party's need to spend half the night at my table. HOWEVER, the party who wants to pitch a tent and build a campfire also needs to be aware of how their actions are affecting their waitresses and their fellow customers. 

Here are the plain truths. 

How it affects waitresses: 

• On any given night, I am assigned 4 tables.


• The only money that I will make throughout the night comes from these 4 tables.


• Tables generally turn approximately once an hour.


• If a table has pitched a tent, the table they are at is no longer available for future customers.
• If the table does not turn, I will make no extra money from it.


• This potentially cuts my profit for the night by 1/4, assuming that only one table is camping. 

How camping affects other customers:

• Campers hold up tables that could be used for customers who have had to wait.


• Patrons on the wait list are quoted times based on the assumption that all tables will eat and leave.


• Now, a quote may be over because of campers.


• Some customers may leave rather than wait for a table that is not moving.

This is how this plays out in my bank roll. 

In my first hour, all 4 tables order food, eat, and leave when finished. If the restaurant is on a wait, the potential for my second hour is very much like the first. However, this time around, all 4 tables order food, eat, and only 3 leave when finished. I am now working 3 tables. The night will continue like this until the campers decide to vacate their comfortable seats and move along. Meaning that I will miss 2, 3, 4, or more tables and the money that they may have left. 

Should they leave an additional tip for taking up my table so long? 

Some may argue that because I only refilled their sodas and coffee throughout the additional 3 hours that I should not be tipped beyond the 20% dictated by their check amount. But what if they only have a $35 check? 

This is an issue that we face every night. My advice, move to the bar. Luckily, my restaurant offers a full bar with private seats available for people who want to stay all night. 

**And Thank you to the two women who sat for 3 hours Friday with a $15 bill.

The $15 tip was greatly appreciated!!!***

What I Really Meant to Say....

By now we all know that waitressing is all about creating a pleasant, cheerful, persona. One that doesn't get upset or frustrated. One that can handle anything thrown its way on a busy Friday night.

I have found the best way to keep that persona alive, is to play a little game I like to call "What I really Meant to Say". So the customer may never actually hear what I really meant to say, but believe me, the rest of the staff knows...

When serving the couple who can drink 7 glasses of diet soda during a one hour meal.
"Of course, I'll be right back with a refill."
What I Really Meant to Say...
"Are you kidding me??? I've made 6 trips to your table already, and I know that you are only going to leave a $4 tip. Maybe I should just hook up an IV!"

When serving the man who ordered a Medium Rib Eye and got a beautiful Medium Rib Eye that is making my mouth water.
"Oh I am so sorry sir. The kitchen seemed to have under cooked it a bit, I'll take it right back and have them put it on for a minute. Would you like a salad on the house while you wait?"
And When I return with a slightly more cooked Medium Well Rib Eye....
"It was only on for a minute, I cannot understand how they managed to overcook it in only 2 minutes."
What I really meant to say...
"Just order the damn chicken!"

When serving the family who let their kids throw popcorn all over the floor, dump out all of the sugar packets, and smear marinara sauce and hot fudge on the table, the seats, the windows, and the couple sitting next to them.
"Oh, don't worry about the mess, I can take care of it."
What I really meant to say...
"It's a busy Friday night. Not only is my table taken up when you eat, I now have to take 20 extra minutes just to clean up the mess that your little heathens have made. Thank you for that 12% tip. It's good to know that you appreciate my time."

When serving the couple that can't just order off the menu, and need 15 changes made to each item ordered.
"Oh, I can't believe that they forgot the walnuts on your sandwich! I'll be right back with some for you."
What I really meant to say...
"The 17 other things you ordered changed came out right. I know you didn't ask for walnuts, too. But I will get them because you won't eat the sandwich without them, and I need you to eat - fast - so you will leave."

Can We Put The Yankees on the Big TV?

"No"

I love bartending.

Update -This was originally posted in 2009 - one of my favorite restaurant moments ever.
 I have to admit - I'm back on the floor... missing the bartending for sure.

Remember When....

This is an original from Waitress-Stories...

Face it, we all need a little amusement in our lives....


So last night, I got into an interesting conversation with one of my co workers...

We've both been at the restaurant for WAY TOO many years, so between the two of us, we were able to remember some of the most interesting moments.

Remember when a certain waitress accidentally sat on a tub of grill cleaner that was left out of the closet and got burns on her behind? (Yeah, really toning that down - I know) 
I hear she still has scars. She was out for almost two weeks. (Sorry, honey, yes, we laughed...)

Remember when the teenagers set off the fire alarms and we all had to go outside and wait in the rain for over an hour while they cleared the building?
Yep we were busy that night! And we still had to go back in to clean up the messes on the table. Too bad no one had to pay...or tip...

Remember when the power went out, and I was waiting on a party of 10 that would certainly have left a sweet tip - if I could have served them food?
Yes I do - and remember cleaning up the mess in the galley after waiting over 2 hours for the power to come on?

Remember when we got the alarm for the take out people to "wear" to the cars?
Remember how many times the restaurant lit up and the alarm rang through the dining room before they took it away???

Remember when Woburn had ecoli in their drinking water, and we caught people brushing their teeth in the bathroom? 
And scrubbing their armpits?

Remember when a certain bartender chased a customer out the door because he left a crappy tip? 
Yep - she got fired...

Remember when a certain waitress chased a customer out into the parking lot because they didn't pay? Then proceeded to scream at them even though the customer was twice her size?
I miss her...

There are a million more... and I'm sure we all have some...